went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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