dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
