My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize