well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
