Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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