disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
