I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
