Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
