New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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