I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
