I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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