so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
