How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
