Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
