And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
