you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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