The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
