the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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