My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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