She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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