I want to make a zoo with you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
