I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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