so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
