I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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