no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
