Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
one might say we're banned from that church
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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