You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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