I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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