I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
