so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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