Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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