I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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