Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
