trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We left an ass print on the piano.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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