OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
