Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
