Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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