I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd cum for enchiladas.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
