you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
