im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
