he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
