How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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