I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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