Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
