I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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