please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I deserve this hangover.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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