i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
