did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
