Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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