turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
