I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
