a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
