I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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