Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
