You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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