Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
