I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
