She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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