I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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