Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
