seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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