You don't have asthma, your pregnant
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
