So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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