We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
