can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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