its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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