I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
