Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
