marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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