When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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