What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
