we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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